✈️
EST. WHENEVER WE LANDED HERE
HOUSESQUATTERS
INC.
"We prefer the term Residential Hospitality Specialists" 🏡
Scott ✈️
Michelle ⚡
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Who We Are
Two Overqualified People
Who Really Love Your House
We're not your average house sitters. One of us flies commercial aircraft for a living. The other keeps the power grid from exploding. Between grueling schedules of Not Being Home, we discovered we needed somewhere to be. That somewhere is your house.
Think of us as the world's most responsible freeloaders — fully vetted, oddly handy, and genuinely enthusiastic about taking care of the things you love. Including your house. And maybe your boat.
The Dream Team
Your New Best
House Friends
LICENSED & EVERYTHING
Scott
Captain of Land & Sky Operations
Has kept 400-ton metal tubes in the air for years. Your house? Easy. Exceptional at reading complex systems, staying calm under pressure, and absolutely nailing pre-departure checklists. Will perform a full walkaround inspection of your property at 5am because that's just how he is. Excellent parallel parker.
SHOCKINGLY COMPETENT
Michelle
Chief Electrical & Everything Officer
Electrical engineer by trade, amateur electrician by enthusiasm, professional "let me look at that" expert by reputation. Can diagnose a faulty outlet blindfolded. Will notice the weird flicker in your dining room lamp that you've been ignoring for three years and will absolutely fix it.
What We Do
Surprisingly Comprehensive
Services
Vacation Property Watch
We'll live in your beach house / mountain cabin / lake cottage and make sure absolutely nothing goes wrong while you're busy being somewhere less fun than your vacation home.
* May enjoy your property slightly too much. This is a feature.
Full-Time Home Sitting
Need a human alarm system with excellent references, a pilot's cool head, and an engineer's problem-solving brain? Done. Your full-time home will be treated like it's our own. Because for a while, it is.
* We will not redecorate. Probably.
Property Maintenance
Got a flickering light? Leaky faucet? Mysterious noise from the attic? Scott literally helps keep aircraft systems running. Your home maintenance is a light Tuesday for us.
* Structural engineering not included. We have limits.
Friend Maintenance
We'll keep an eye on your neighbours, water your plants, feed your pets, collect your mail, and text your mom so she doesn't worry. We're not just sitting your house — we're maintaining your entire life ecosystem.
* Mom texts require advance notice and approved scripts.
Marine Asset Oversight
We are avid boaters. If you have a boat and need someone to "look after it" by taking it out regularly, running the engine, checking the hull... we are painfully overqualified for this role.
* Boat fuel not included. We will ask nicely.
Outdoor Property Care
Avid outdoor enthusiasts means we actually enjoy being outside maintaining your yard, trails, docks, and grounds. Rain, heat, altitude — we've done worse. Your garden is a vacation to us.
* Enthusiasm levels may frighten your neighbors.
Social Proof
People Who Let Us Live
In Their Houses
★★★★★
"We came home from three months abroad to discover they'd fixed the guest bathroom leak, reorganized the garage, and left us a handwritten note explaining every circuit breaker. I cried actual tears."
★★★★★
"The pilot noticed our deck was developing a structural issue and flagged it immediately. Said it reminded him of something called a 'stress fracture inspection' from flight school. I don't know what that means but the deck is now perfect."
★★★★★
"She rewired an outlet that had been 'technically functional but deeply wrong' since 1987. My electrician husband didn't even notice it. I'm not sure what this says about my husband."
★★★★★
"They took the boat out twice a week for 'maintenance purposes.' I've never seen it run so smoothly. I asked for an invoice. They said not to worry about it. I'm leaving them the boat in my will."
★★★★★
"I came home from two weeks in Portugal to find a three-page incident report on my kitchen counter titled 'The Dolphin Situation.' Apparently my dog Chester had jumped off the dock and befriended a bottlenose dolphin who kept returning daily. Scott, using what he described as 'aircraft incident protocol,' documented everything. Michelle had already called the local marine wildlife office, filed the appropriate paperwork, and built Chester a small ramp back onto the dock so he could 'visit safely.' The dolphin still comes back. Chester is thriving. I didn't ask for any of this but I could not be more grateful."
Frequently Asked Questions
Things People Ask
(And We Answer Honestly)
Are you actually squatters? +
Legally speaking, absolutely not. Squatting implies we refused to leave. We are professional house-sitters with contracts, references, insurance, and a very polished LinkedIn presence. The name is a joke. A very funny joke. We hope.
What if the pilot has to fly while sitting our house? +
Great news — he's married to Michelle who works remotely and can hold down the fort solo. Also, when he flies he's usually gone 2–3 days at a time, which means your house gets a competent engineer who considers herself "between trips" and uses the extra time to audit your electrical panel. You're welcome.
Will you touch my boat? +
This depends entirely on whether you WANT us to touch your boat. If yes, she will be lovingly maintained, regularly exercised, and returned cleaner than you left her. If no, we will stare longingly at it from the dock and respect your wishes. It will be very difficult for us.
Do you bring a lot of outdoor gear? +
Define "a lot." We have a truck, a trailer, several kayaks, camping gear for all four seasons, fishing equipment for both fresh and saltwater, and enough technical layers to survive a Himalayan expedition. Your garage will be used respectfully and returned exactly as found, assuming you're okay with a faint smell of campfire. That's a lifestyle scent.
Why do you do this between your jobs? +
Because hotels are terrible, Airbnbs don't have enough garage space for our kayaks, and it turns out we genuinely like taking care of things and making sure people's homes are happy while they're away. Also we like dogs. If you have a dog, that's basically a done deal.
Availability
Check Our Squatting Schedule
We are professionals with busy lives, which means we are in high demand. Check below to see when we are available — and yes, booked means someone's house is currently being aggressively maintained.
🏆
PREMIUM BUYOUT OPTION AVAILABLE
See a date that is already booked? You can buy us out. If your property is objectively nicer than where we currently are, we will pack our kayaks, apologize to the current homeowner, and relocate to your house. Price determined entirely by pool size, dock quality, and proximity to open water. No hard feelings. It is just business.
* All dates are illustrative and subject to Scott's flight schedule, Michelle's remote work deadlines, and whether they found a really good fishing spot. Contact for actual availability.
Ready to Let Strangers
Live in Your House?
We know that sounds wrong. But we promise it's actually the most responsible thing you can do for your property while you're away. We're background-checked, bonded, and genuinely better at this than most people who do it full time.
Support The Cause
Help Fund Their
Next Squat 🏡
Kayak maintenance isn't free. Boat fuel isn't free. And that three-page incident report Scott filed about the dolphin? The paper alone cost us a fortune.
If Scott and Michelle have ever watched your house, fixed something they probably shouldn't have touched, or simply been suspiciously helpful — consider buying them a tank of boat fuel. Or a ream of incident report paper.
IMPORTANT LEGAL DISCLAIMER: House Squatters Inc. is a legitimate, licensed, and insured house-sitting service. No actual squatting occurs or is implied. "Squatting" is used entirely for humorous effect and to make this website memorable. Our clients love us. Their houses love us. One cat is ambivalent but warming up. | Not responsible for improvements made to your property without asking. That's just who we are.